Sunday, January 16, 2011


i am not a stupid person. actually, im a very intelligent person.  but i come across as less than intelligent.  i believe people misinterpret insecurity for stupidity.  it is true that i dont learn quickly.  i suffer too much from stress and anxiety.  i dont want to force my mind to work any harder.
so i have this at work. my subordinates (i am a supervisor) think im less than intelligent.  i can see how they have that perspective.  i am not one to pretend i know something when i dont. plus, i have recently been transferred to this new dept.  i have been trained. but i dont practice what i learned, because it is actually not my job to do it everyday. it is my subordinates.  but they do sometimes ask me questions about what they do.  and i often dont know the answers.
when i was younger, i was fat.  but seen as intelligent.  then, when in my thirties i lost weight and managed to keep it off for awhile, so i was seen as goodlooking and intelligent.  i soon had knee surgery and couldnt walk as much as when i lost weight, and i gained weight back.  now i am very big, and now im thought of as not goodlooking. so im considered neither goodlooking nor intelligent. 
just not good. 

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