Friday, November 2, 2012


it really does. ok, not an hour, half an hour. ok not half an hour, five minutes, but its very frustrating.
i go through four or five pages until i see the option to post. its really annoying.

ok, yesterday it was recommended i post about my favorite quote. this is it: theres always a way to solve a problem.  and i have brought my daughter up constantly saying this, because, at least most of the time, there is. i think thats a really good attitude, and coming from a pessimist, its quite optimistic, dont you think. not only am i a pessimist, but i suffer from depression. well, years ago i was diagnosed as having a low grade depression, and that sounded like an accurate diagnosis to me.

i have recently begun again to see a psychiatrist, who is actually helping me. i have seen at least three other psychiatrists. only one helped me to a certain degree. i saw her on and off for two, three years, maybe more.  i realize part of the reason the medications didnt work was because i wasnt committed enough to them. but i believe thats part of the depression.  assuming i have depression, that is. anyway, two things bothered me about that psychiatrist. firstly, she was too far away from me. and when everything makes you anxious, especially going to a doctor, and having a bit of a distance to walk home from the doctor, this can be challenging. however, more importantly, and i am getting angry just thinking about it. that bitch, after i told her i was thinking of suicide, didnt ask me how (which, being a psych major myself, i know is the question to ask) and didnt follow up with this. she didnt say anything about it during the next visit, the cunt. as you can see this really makes me angry. what it shows to me is that she didnt care about me.  i have incidentally received calls from her office, asking me if i wantd to make an subsequent appointment. of course, i always said no.

ok, back to my current psychiatrist. well, i believe he is better than the former ones, although he could use some improvement.  i explained to him that i stopped seeing the former doctor bc she didnt followup with my   opening up and saying i was thinking of suicide.  guess what, he didnt either. (sigh).  but he has helped me medically. he has prescribed three medications. one of them is xanax. i have taken this before. it never helped my anxiety, but it at least gave me a buzz. now all it does is make me tired, so i dont take that. there are two other meds, but i dont recall what they are right now. i will include that information with this when i can.

oh, and my diagnosis according to this psychiatrist?  social anxiety disorder. well, im feeling somewhat better, and i am still not as committed as i should be to taking the meds.

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